This narrative delves into a profound personal transformation, tracing a journey from deeply ingrained body dissatisfaction to a liberating sense of self-acceptance. The author, who once navigated the challenging world of plus-size modeling, candidly shares her lifelong battle with body dysmorphia and unhealthy eating patterns, largely shaped by her family's pervasive emphasis on thinness and external validation. A pivotal moment, the birth of her daughter, became the catalyst for a radical shift in perspective. This experience illuminated the immense capabilities of her body, fostering a newfound appreciation and gratitude that transcended previous insecurities. It's a powerful account of shedding societal and personal expectations to embrace a healthier, more compassionate relationship with oneself.

A Transformed Perspective: From Societal Standards to Personal Empowerment

In a candid reflection, Sarah Hartshorne, known for her appearance on Cycle 9 of America’s Next Top Model, shares her deeply personal struggle with body image and societal perceptions. Growing up in a household where physical appearance, particularly thinness, dictated a woman's worth, Hartshorne faced immense pressure. Even as a 'plus-size contestant' on the show, a label her family found perplexing and even insulting despite her being 'pretty thin,' she grappled with body dysmorphia, meticulously scrutinizing every aspect of her physique. Her father and other male relatives frequently judged women based solely on their attractiveness, a standard that deeply influenced Hartshorne's internal monologue and self-perception. She recalls her grandmother, Sally, who maintained extreme thinness throughout her life, only to later succumb to dementia, revealing a past of severe dietary restriction. This observation profoundly impacted Hartshorne, inspiring her to break free from similar patterns.

During the unprecedented quietude of the COVID-19 pandemic, after decades of restrictive diets and obsessive food monitoring, Hartshorne discovered intuitive eating. This shift marked a significant turning point, leading her from being a plus-size model to, as she describes, a 'plus-sized person.' While initially terrifying and fraught with ingrained fears of having committed a 'moral failure,' this period was critical. Despite intellectual understanding of body positivity and embracing fat activist movements, a persistent internal voice linked self-worth to thinness. However, the profound experience of pregnancy and childbirth irrevocably altered her viewpoint. Her body, which she had so often disparaged, achieved something extraordinary: it nurtured and brought forth a new life. This realization fostered a deep sense of gratitude for her body's resilience and its enduring support, even through years of self-criticism. No longer seeking to conform to past generations' ideals of thinness, Hartshorne now prioritizes her happiness and well-being for the benefit of future generations, including her daughter. She actively confronts outdated, fatphobic beliefs, choosing to internalize empowering truths, such as the surprising longevity observed in overweight individuals.

Considering the values she wishes to instill in her own child, Hartshorne now grieves the years lost to self-loathing. The thought of her daughter experiencing similar internal battles brings tears to her eyes. Recognizing her daughter's body as a marvel of creation, she understands that her own body, which carried this precious life for nine months, is equally remarkable. Hartshorne's recently published memoir, You Wanna Be on Top? A Memoir of Makeovers, Manipulation, and Not Becoming America’s Next Top Model, further explores her experiences and journey toward self-acceptance.

This journey underscores the transformative power of self-compassion and reframing societal beauty standards. Hartshorne's story is a compelling testament to how personal experiences, especially significant life events like motherhood, can dismantle deeply rooted insecurities and foster a healthier, more appreciative relationship with one's own body. It serves as a powerful reminder that true well-being extends beyond physical appearance, embracing mental and emotional health for oneself and for the generations to come.